notabluesbro | 33rd Confession [Butt-Video... Voice... Video...?]

[When the voices suddenly come on, the entire screen's black--prooobably because someone's ass is crushing the journal. Maybe Wolfwood's. Of course, he's too busy not noticing because-]

Iiii don't think that's right, needle noggin.

What? That's what the instructions say! You're just being stubborn because you got it all wrong...!

[there's the sound of waving paper] Ha, very funny, you being right.

I am right!

It's upside down, you idiot.... Why did I ask for your help again?

[...mumble mumble] There're so many steps...

[grumble grumble] It's a demon crib; it just won't let us build it. She's going to have a baby and we'll be stuck in the front mashing crib legs together--and could you get those damn cats outta' here! They're distracting!

Aww, what? They're just hungry! Maybe if someone fed them like a decent preacherman.

That's not my job! I don't want cats--!

[... Are you two married or something. Milly would wonde--CRACK]
....

Spikey.

... A-aha. Yeah?

Did you break it.
....

WOLFWOOD NOOOOOO [CRACK

Oh look, you can see the two of them now! Wolfwood is very sweetly bending Vash's leg at an impossible angle in the middle of a sadly wilted crib that VASH RUINED GODDAMMIT]

ERUGHGH!! I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY--

DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND A CRIB IN THIS PLACE?!

UNCLE! UNCLEEEEEE!!! MY LEG'S BREAKING, AAAAA--

A LEG FOR A LEG!!

THAT'S SORT OF HARSH--EIEIEIEIEI!!

[[ooc: ... dual-post. enjoy two idiots.]]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I SAID I WAS SORRY! HE CAN FIX IT AND I PROMISE TO STAY AWAY FROM IT IF YOU'D JUST GET OFF OF ME!

[All that shouting has to be unhealthy.]

He did apologize. Besides, he cannot help repairing it or finding a new one while you you sit on him, if nothing else.

[mumble mumble

With a heavy heart, he shoves Vash over like he's a red carpet at an event, before holding up a crib leg.]

Do you know how hard it is to find these? Babies aren't a very common event, y'know.

Ouch! That really hurt.

[Vash has no comment right now. He's just glad to have his legs and spine back.]

You should visit the clinic, just in case.

[However, children are a much more interesting subject.]

I'm aware. I believe that would be the... second born here, after Sophie? Or were there others?

Mmm, actually, I have no clue. Besides, this wasn't exactly something we were, uh... planning on.

[He'd ask around, but. Uh. Touchy subject, probably.]

Yeah, why don't you go visit the clinic, right now. [He's tired of being a doormat and is going to try to get to his feet now before Wolfwood changes his mind and locks up his legs again.]

Is that not how it happens half the time? Though the current situation is not exactly ideal...

[Sorry, Vash, were you saying something?]

Not exactly, but no use looking on the downsides now, huh?

[idk, was vash talking? huh]

Are you guys even listening to me?!

[Now, now, there's no need to shout.]

Of course we are, but unless any part of you is visibly bleeding or broken I fear my magic cannot help with your pain. Or with the wood, for that matter.

[He does sound like he feels quite bad about it.]

Y'know, Vash, shouting isn't good for your vocal cords. What's with your inside voice? It's complete crap.

...

Can magic put a spell on someone to make 'em mute for a while? I'd like to learn that one, personally.

Yeah, Wolfwood is pretty loud and with a new baby on the way he should learn how to be quiet.

There's the Silence spell, but I doubt my wife would agree to cast it on you. I have a friend who could turn you both into toads, if you'd prefer that?

But wait! If I'm a toad, who'll raise the kid?

What!? Me too!? What did I do!?

You were both equally loud, if it comes down to it. But transforming you both would indeed mean less care for the baby... Unless you have a strong support network?

A kid needs his father, so that's no good for me...

[hum.]

Can we settle for turning Vash's hair into noodles or something?

And cursing Wolfwood so all his cigarettes explodes when he smokes them.

...Even if those spells did exist, I don't think casting them on you would be such a good idea.

Wow, spikey, you sure are a violent person. Noodle-hair is a good punishment for even thinking about messing with my cigarettes.

I only thought about it because you wanted to turn my hair into FOOD!

I truly doubt property damage and partial cannibalism are the best ways to resolve a conflict, unless your world is extremely different from mine.

Oh, it's extreeeemely different, I'm sure. We handle our disputes with wrestling, gunfights, and knocking teeth out! We're complete barbarians! [#TROLL. Vash don't deny that our planet is special.]

It's not... all that bad. [Sometimes.]

[voice]

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